Focus in the Storm
The Chaos maker sits above, pointing his finger at his minions,
commanding them to distract me, to change my path. Down they fly from
all directions. The first demon reaches me and watches waiting until he
see's what to destroy, then it strikes, his blow is searing and painful
crippling my health and confidence. In constant pain, I battle him, ever
aware of the gray monster that looms, just waiting for me to slip.
Unable to beat him I resign myself to carrying him on my back, so with
chains of iron I tie him to myself and trudge forward down my narrow
path, stopping often for rest.
I only get a few steps before another demon drops, he's an old friend, we know each other well. He's beautiful, and he pulls at me with his sweet words and pleasurable effects. I hesitate, trying to ignore him, but he whispers in my ear, making me shudder, but I find I don't want to resist...why should I? So I take the delicate chains of gold he holds out to me and wrap them around my waist, binding him to me.
I continue on, bearing the child of the beautiful demon, having to stop and feed the child often, it's very demanding, only quieting when he gets what he wants. He pulls at my emotions and passions, promising me great things, showing me love and acceptance, so I hold him tight and move forward, my pace slowing, my determination waning, but I can't leave him behind...I need him.
We go a good length down the rode, and I meet woman, she calls from my past, reminding me of who I am. But I'm too lost to hear her...but her words, they stay with me, even as I try to move past her. But she only follows, her presence another burden to my weary back.
This goes on for quiet a while, until I'm so tired that I'm forced to stop. I continue feeding the offspring of my choices, and he grows, demanding more of me, wanting more. But I have no more that I'm willing to give. They grow angry, beating me, calling me worthless, useless...I believe them. So I give them more, so they will be happy...so I can be happy.
A flower grows by the side of the path, it's pretty, white, pure. It reminds me of what I used to be, and I want to go on, but I barely have the strength. Something tells me that I have too...The moment I stand the sky darkens, and the wind whips around us in frenzy, and as I take my first steps forward we are joined by another. This one is worse than the the others combined, fear courses through me as I try to stop him, but I can't. He attacks the woman, I run to her, but I'm too slow, burdened down by the weight of the things I hold onto.
A voice inside me speaks, one I haven't heard since I picked up the first chain, I must leave her behind and go forward. So I do, I fight against the rising storm as debris flies around us, clinging to my skin, cutting and tearing at me. With each step my burden grows heavier. “Cast them..” The voice is small, still but sure in the wind but I'm not sure I heard it, I continue on, struggling, crying out for help that I know I'm not worthy to receive.
“Throw them to me, my daughter.” This time I know that voice, but I can't believe that He's speaking to me. So I take comfort in my burdens, nurturing, them, growing them. I can barely move now, the storm is so wild around us that it's impossible to see through it. “Focus!” This voice is different, frustrated with me I can tell. It's a voice I love and fear. “I can't!” I call back, choking on the hatred I feel for myself. “Focus on Me!” The voice cries out again, I hear pain, and prayers, love and anger in that voice. “But I can't see you.” I sob, falling to my knee's.
I search the storm for Him, but I can't see Him, He isn't there. I cover my eyes and cry out, I've lost Him, and I know I can't survive with Him.
And in that moment when I know that I have pushed away the one passion I should have clung to, I see the glow within me...
That slight glow warms me, and gives me a strength I didn't know I had. I stumbled and stood, keeping my eyes closed I claw at the chains, the voices are clamoring, telling me not to do this. There's other ways, but I can't listen to them. I pick them up and I throw them as hard as I can...then I turn and I run, my heart knows the way...
I run straight into the arms of my Father, home at last. The storm still rages...but focusing on Him it's not as scary, my burdens not so heavy. “I missed you, Father...” I whisper into his bosom, as I let Him heal me, from the inside out.
Jan 31, 2013
I only get a few steps before another demon drops, he's an old friend, we know each other well. He's beautiful, and he pulls at me with his sweet words and pleasurable effects. I hesitate, trying to ignore him, but he whispers in my ear, making me shudder, but I find I don't want to resist...why should I? So I take the delicate chains of gold he holds out to me and wrap them around my waist, binding him to me.
I continue on, bearing the child of the beautiful demon, having to stop and feed the child often, it's very demanding, only quieting when he gets what he wants. He pulls at my emotions and passions, promising me great things, showing me love and acceptance, so I hold him tight and move forward, my pace slowing, my determination waning, but I can't leave him behind...I need him.
We go a good length down the rode, and I meet woman, she calls from my past, reminding me of who I am. But I'm too lost to hear her...but her words, they stay with me, even as I try to move past her. But she only follows, her presence another burden to my weary back.
This goes on for quiet a while, until I'm so tired that I'm forced to stop. I continue feeding the offspring of my choices, and he grows, demanding more of me, wanting more. But I have no more that I'm willing to give. They grow angry, beating me, calling me worthless, useless...I believe them. So I give them more, so they will be happy...so I can be happy.
A flower grows by the side of the path, it's pretty, white, pure. It reminds me of what I used to be, and I want to go on, but I barely have the strength. Something tells me that I have too...The moment I stand the sky darkens, and the wind whips around us in frenzy, and as I take my first steps forward we are joined by another. This one is worse than the the others combined, fear courses through me as I try to stop him, but I can't. He attacks the woman, I run to her, but I'm too slow, burdened down by the weight of the things I hold onto.
A voice inside me speaks, one I haven't heard since I picked up the first chain, I must leave her behind and go forward. So I do, I fight against the rising storm as debris flies around us, clinging to my skin, cutting and tearing at me. With each step my burden grows heavier. “Cast them..” The voice is small, still but sure in the wind but I'm not sure I heard it, I continue on, struggling, crying out for help that I know I'm not worthy to receive.
“Throw them to me, my daughter.” This time I know that voice, but I can't believe that He's speaking to me. So I take comfort in my burdens, nurturing, them, growing them. I can barely move now, the storm is so wild around us that it's impossible to see through it. “Focus!” This voice is different, frustrated with me I can tell. It's a voice I love and fear. “I can't!” I call back, choking on the hatred I feel for myself. “Focus on Me!” The voice cries out again, I hear pain, and prayers, love and anger in that voice. “But I can't see you.” I sob, falling to my knee's.
I search the storm for Him, but I can't see Him, He isn't there. I cover my eyes and cry out, I've lost Him, and I know I can't survive with Him.
And in that moment when I know that I have pushed away the one passion I should have clung to, I see the glow within me...
That slight glow warms me, and gives me a strength I didn't know I had. I stumbled and stood, keeping my eyes closed I claw at the chains, the voices are clamoring, telling me not to do this. There's other ways, but I can't listen to them. I pick them up and I throw them as hard as I can...then I turn and I run, my heart knows the way...
I run straight into the arms of my Father, home at last. The storm still rages...but focusing on Him it's not as scary, my burdens not so heavy. “I missed you, Father...” I whisper into his bosom, as I let Him heal me, from the inside out.
Jan 31, 2013
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