The Gray Monster
I can see it hovering, watching, waiting.
It's so close I can feel the heaviness it's carrying, smell the desperation.
It wants me.
I stand, staring, challenging it with my eyes, fearing that it will consume me once more.
It comes closer and I can feel the grayness waiting to swallow the color of my life.
It knows that I have yet to win a battle with it, it's counting on that.
I keep my guard up, but I feel the weariness taking hold.
I can barely stand my ground in the face of it's mocking gaze.
It taunts me with my past, present and future. It knows what to say to weigh my heart down, to cause me to lower my shield and relax my stance.
I realize it's winning and I back away, tripping over my own insecurities. It moves closer ready to pounce. I gain my feet and run, but it's too late, it's wrapping around me, getting ready to steal my joy and my smile.
I cry out for help and hear no answer, terrified, lost and unable to claw my way out I know I am alone in this fight.
Then I see Him, just outside of the gray, a glowing shadow just beyond my reach.
Strength flows through me, strength I didn't know I had and I twist, turn and fight with it, but it does not loosen it's hold. And for a moment all is black and I see nothing...I cry out His name. "Don't leave me!" Desperate I throw everything I have against the heaviness, and then I hear Him. "I will never leave or forsake you."
It wants me to give up so it can carry me away to a place that's dark. A place where thin scars appear on my body and sleep is my hobby. I refuse!
Exhausted I want to stop fighting but I know I can't, not this time. I repeat His name and fight, pushing and shoving away the gray. I don't know if I'm making progress...but then my feet get lighter.
I see Him now, He is there, I can't hear Him, but I know He is there. I find that I can run again, and I do without looking back I run away from the heavy gray monster, I focus on Him and I run, I run.
I run straight into His arms, the arms of peace and love and joy. He holds me close to His heart and orders the monster to leave and never return and for the first time I know that I can win this fight.
I know it will try and return, but I will be ready for it. No...we will be ready for it, for I am not alone, He is here with me always, even when I am blinded by the world.
Jul 4, 2012
It's so close I can feel the heaviness it's carrying, smell the desperation.
It wants me.
I stand, staring, challenging it with my eyes, fearing that it will consume me once more.
It comes closer and I can feel the grayness waiting to swallow the color of my life.
It knows that I have yet to win a battle with it, it's counting on that.
I keep my guard up, but I feel the weariness taking hold.
I can barely stand my ground in the face of it's mocking gaze.
It taunts me with my past, present and future. It knows what to say to weigh my heart down, to cause me to lower my shield and relax my stance.
I realize it's winning and I back away, tripping over my own insecurities. It moves closer ready to pounce. I gain my feet and run, but it's too late, it's wrapping around me, getting ready to steal my joy and my smile.
I cry out for help and hear no answer, terrified, lost and unable to claw my way out I know I am alone in this fight.
Then I see Him, just outside of the gray, a glowing shadow just beyond my reach.
Strength flows through me, strength I didn't know I had and I twist, turn and fight with it, but it does not loosen it's hold. And for a moment all is black and I see nothing...I cry out His name. "Don't leave me!" Desperate I throw everything I have against the heaviness, and then I hear Him. "I will never leave or forsake you."
It wants me to give up so it can carry me away to a place that's dark. A place where thin scars appear on my body and sleep is my hobby. I refuse!
Exhausted I want to stop fighting but I know I can't, not this time. I repeat His name and fight, pushing and shoving away the gray. I don't know if I'm making progress...but then my feet get lighter.
I see Him now, He is there, I can't hear Him, but I know He is there. I find that I can run again, and I do without looking back I run away from the heavy gray monster, I focus on Him and I run, I run.
I run straight into His arms, the arms of peace and love and joy. He holds me close to His heart and orders the monster to leave and never return and for the first time I know that I can win this fight.
I know it will try and return, but I will be ready for it. No...we will be ready for it, for I am not alone, He is here with me always, even when I am blinded by the world.
Jul 4, 2012
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